oricus (oricus) wrote,

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The ol' Ode to my Lyfe

Oh my Tale of Woe, so sad, and so worn out.  However, I feel like I am in a writing mood and will attempt to express my thoughts.  Time won't save our souls, I must move on from that.  It's late, 3:09, and when I complete this the time will be closer to 4 or even passed it.  Oh, well, that's how it goes, what goes, I'm not sure, time goes and that is a fact.  I just read my post from July, it's now the middle of October.  It really doesn't seem that long ago, but this year is going by rather quickly.  The other day my mother notified me about possible internships for the upcoming summer.  This startled me a bit and even put me in a sulky mood.  I really hate the idea that I actually have to do one of those but it's not so much the work but more so what it represents.  My little bubble of insecurities about growing up and getting a real job is about to burst.  No longer will I have the sanctity of school in which could hide me from what I fear the most.  I know I am not ready, not as a person, I am not mature enough.  You can say that is childish of me, I am not going to dispute that, however, I know that I am not ready for such a radical change.

What can I chalk that up to?  Fear, first and foremost, it is what prevents me from wanting to move on with life.  I really can't believe it, where did this time go, Freshman year seems so far away and sophomore year went so fast like it never existed.  I fucked up in Tax Accounting, I guess I took it too lightly, the class wasn't hard but I just felt depressed and worthless.  Already resigned to a fate of dropping the class before the test.  I didn't even give a maximum effort.  I take full responsibility for my blunder, if I kept up with the course it would of been a breeze but I prevented such an alternative.  I just hate school, but I hate life outside of it more.  I have a hard time with motivation, I really don't even like accounting it's just something I know I can get a degree in and make money.  What self-satisfaction am I going to get out of it when I don't even like it.  I feel I am creative yet not.  I cannot express it well enough to do something creative, more so, I appreciate creativity.  I honestly should be a history teacher.  It's one of the few things I like, and I know it's something that I wouldn't feel so pressured to be the best.  I honestly just don't give a shit right now.  I am just going through the motions because well that is what my parents expect from me.  If nothing else it would pain me no more than to let my parents down.  That's the only real motivation and as the days go by it lessens to some extent.  I am trying to make a concentrated effort the rest of the semester to make it to the rest of my classes.  What else can I do, I have an A in art history but I've already missed over the allotment of days and probably will lose major points because of it.  My grades in Management and Marketing are B but I've missed just about every class since our last test in both of those classes. 

Then there is the Evil Accounting 310 class which is made harder that it really ought to be, I mean, I've never made lower than an A in accounting, that stretches from High school all the way through Honors Accounting here at Bama.  Yet, in this instance, I feel like I am being cheated with whatever the fuck we are doing.  I sort of dread going to class, I never dreaded 210, but I just hate going to 310.  I feel like I am not really learning anything of real substance.  Perhaps I do not appreciate what is attempting to be taught or I just don't comprehend that.  Well, I'm pretty sure it's not the latter, however, I am not ruling out any possibility.  I guess the only thing I am sure of is that I hate accounting and business altogether.  However, that is my plight and it is something I need to rectify as my time at Alabama becomes shorter.  I really need to grab the bulls by the horn the rest of this semester, starting by studying for Management tomorrow. 

I've had enough about ranting about school.  I want to talk about brighter things.  We had a fall break this past week and I really didn't do shit.  I had majestic plans for the days off, but the combination of people just leaving and me being lazy, ended up with drunken baseball and a monotony of football games.  Well, so it is, but all is not lost, I have decided that I am going to become more healthy.  My method is simple, I am boycotting fast food chains and eating a combination of salad and some other delicious healthy item.  I also hope that I can save my parents some money in the process.  I think it is a win/win situation.  I have a fear of diabetes, I am not fat but I have gained some weight since summer and I feel that this part of just grabbing life by the horns.  The next thing I need to do is kick that smoking habit of mine.  I've actually reduced by a lot lately, that is, if I am not around certain people.  Peer pressure is critical it will determine my success or failure. 

I saw Black Rebel Motorcycle Club and Kings of Leon again.  It was a decent show, I don't know how much I like that Kings of Leon is rapidly growing into a Hat boy band, but, nevertheless, they are still good.  Black Rebel well they weren't as good as when I saw them in Birmingham in June, they did play 2 and 1/2 hour set that night.  However, they were still roawkin.

Johnny turns 21 this Saturday.  I guess that means I am going to Starkville to celebrate, I guess that's fun, I better not miss the Buckeyes.  Only my parents came for my birthday, albeit, it was a Tuesday, and no one else was 21 at the time either, and I may have gone to Starkville that weekend. . . That's beside the point, regardless, Johnny owes me plentiful for the amount of beer I bought him at Dave's that night.  I'll make sure to remind him. 

Oh, I could go into how much I hate how time passes by but that is another rant for another day.  :-\
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