I am sitting at my computer around 8:52am Central time on a Friday the 26th of September in the year of our Lord 2008. I have had a full week of school that included a few tests, missed classes, and a friend who engaged his pregnant girlfriend. I would say what a week but that is not exactly how I am feeling. Honestly, I would love for nothing better to be asleep right now, but lately I have been having problems with that department. It started this week again, tests, bringing much unneeded stress and unfortunately led to sleep deprivation in the process. I digress in some way knowing that at least I do not have class today, and I could at any time attempt to sleep. However, this has brought me to the point of writing this journal entry, it has nearly been a year since my last one. I decided to read all that I had wrote and noticed that a lot has not changed. Go figure, ales, I have resorted to pondering the times of my life once again during my insomnia. I keep pointing to this three year stretch that unfortunately became the climax of my existence, I will tell you the tale.
I have lately again been yearning for the past more so than I have in some time. This, like usual, has put me in a sour mood in a lot of ways. One can begin to document exactly what made that three year stretch more significant than the last two years I have been living, but I think a thorough understanding will be sufficient.
I remember 2004 extremely well, there was an air excitement, there was an air of understanding, there just was a good feeling about the year. Considering that I consider 2003 to be somewhat of an aberration compared to the next three years. I dealt with a lot of emotional feelings during that year one any pubescent boy of the age of 16/17 would understand. However, looking back on 03 I can't help but scorn its existence, always a dark picture of nighttime and hanging around Columbus, princess, wal-mart, people I was interested in. Suffice to say, that year although had bearing is not a fruitful topic I would like to discuss. I digress, 2004, on the other hand was a reality of experiences, discipline, and understanding. There were some firsts that year, most that I do not regret.
Everything seemed better in 2004, I think at first it started when Roger Federer won the Australian Open over Marat Safin. I met my first long standing Girlfriend, and shared my first kiss with her. I had quit the basketball team in December of 2003 for external purposes, however, I felt it made my social life more accessible and it is a decision that only around some of my close friends who I played with that I would say I slightly regret. In the end, it was what I wanted to do and I think it was a good decision. In 2004, I was going through a change in the way I perceived myself, I think it also somewhat has hampered me. I became much more conscious about my appearance and sought ways to improve upon it even if it wasn't a problem. At the time I do not think it was as severe as it could be now with how I perceive myself. More or less, it was a change that I thought would bring me more self-confidence and at the time it did. I could look upon it now and just see the error in my ways because of my disdain for the school I went to but that is beside the point. Life was good in 2004 and it would only get better.
Spring/Summer of 2004 came and I finished my junior year of high school with Academic Honors 4.0, exempt from all my final exams, won the chemistry award. Things were looking good, I got drunk for the first time, I didn't know years later that I would get drunk about every weekend. . . French Open 2004, was one of best tournaments I had witnessed in Tennis in years. I think it is important as well to note that Nadal did not win the tournament nor would he at the time, regardless of injury. Kuerten over Federer in the third round, Coria choking in the final and the subsequent castration of his manhood. Gaudio - Coria one of the best matches of the year, tennis back in 2004 is better than tennis in 2008 regardless of competition. Growing up watching the Sampras Era then into the current era, I felt 2004 was smack in the middle of this current era's reign. The emergence of Federer, the revival of Safin, the revival of Hewitt, the steady play of Roddick. I don't know I think it's just my opinion of how nostalgic I am, but the tennis was more interesting when some of my favourites were still relevant.
Summer 04 brought monumental amounts of fun, starting with Harry Potter Prisoner of Azkabaan, I remember seeing that June 4th, 2004 with Kendra. That movie changed my entire perspective on Harry Potter and lead the way in my completion of reading the novels. That movie is my second favourite, I will get to my favourite in a little while. More on, 2004, there was the vacation trip to Destin with James and R Nelson, that was a wild fun time. Good food, good fun, a lot Pimp my ride, a lot of the 2004 US Open (Golf), a lot of the Daily show and Comedy Central, getting sun burnt, staying at a nice condo, seeing Detroit dominate the Lakers, great trip. Then there was the Bad Horror Phobie Dollar films with Claire and Kyle, oh and I forgot to add about how much fun it was to see Yaktus during the month of May that year. Seeing Spiderman 2 with Claire and James. Placebo albums galore, Sleeping With Ghosts I think completely captures the March - May era of 2004. It at times tears me up thinking about it and the memories of that album and that song. . .
July of 2004 brought significant changes that would affect the rest of the year and encompassing my entire senior year. First, breaking up with my Girlfriend at the time, it was tough but I really wasn't ready for any long-term commitments and felt the time was right for us to move on. Secondly, the party at Jazz's that fucked my senior year up, well, I wasn't drinking but I was guilty by association. Still can't believe how ignorant I was back then, but can't help when Cops for some reason are just out to get ya and will make up bull shit like the curfew for fridays is not 12 its 11 and that it is 12 only on Saturday and Sunday. Regardless, if Johnny decided to stay at the house instead of run after us, the cop doesn't see a "white" kid in a black neighborhood (Johnny is Mexican btw)he wouldn't have gotten suspicious and busted the party. Well, my parents were less than happy considering I told them I stayed over at Johnny's (good one). Worst of all, I had a terrible feeling about it for some reason, I chalked it up to nerves, I just wish Jazz never asked me to go to the gas station to get cigarettes. Anyways, my parents lost all the trust that I had built and questioned that I was doing this every week when I told them I was staying at Johnny's, which was not true, but they would not believe it. I hate cops. . .
The rest of the summer went like a blur, I wasn't exactly happy about what happened, but I could not change it no matter how many times I would play over the situation and would say something different to the cops. Looking back on it now, I can just see how lame the cops were in their attempt to bust our fun. First they looked in the car because they were so sure there was going to be drugs, next, they were so sure they would find alcohol, sigh, fuck em'. Anyways, I was actually looking forward towards getting back to school since I couldn't do much for the rest of the summer. Little did I know that school year would have a profound impact on my life, at least I think it did.
August of 2004, Seniors 2005, well, the year started, a lot of the same rules though we could no longer wear sandals if you were a guy. Quite a dumb rule if you ask me but whatever. School starting, it was refreshing to get out of the house for a significant amount of time. We all made a new friend in Joan (Juan) Pronounced Juu-wan (Catalan pronunciation). Joan was part of the ETI or something exchange program, he was from Cambrils Spain that was about 2 hours away from Barcelona. I would go to Spain the following summer with my friend Johnny to stay with Joan. At this time, that seemed like a millennium, I was just conscious of getting out of my parents control. Things were not all peachy but I remained in good spirits and my parents eventually gave me a 1:00 am curfew that they previously allotted back when I was a junior. I remember seeing Anna K and thinking this girl is attractive, then I think I took back those words when my legs would be red from the kicking and the grinding of her shoes during second period.
September, Claire's 18th, my 18th, fun at CJ's pizza, the party at CJ's was one of the bests things of that year. Just overall, a fun atmosphere, watching Sharapova play in the background. I can't believe it's been four years since that time. . . Buying Razorblade Romance, to this date, HIM's best album, buying Oasis' Morning Glory, those two albums make me remember fall 04 the most. I started bowling on my dad's Team that year, I ended up making a lot of money that year, it was some of the most fun I had ever had. I really miss that time, I only got to bowl one year but I made the most of it. The buckeyes that year were not as good as the previous two seasons but this year would prove pivotal towards the development of Troy Smith and the defense. By 2005, this team became Jim Tressel's most talented team he ever coached (IMO). I beat Metal Gear Solid 2 for the first time since buying the game. I realized how great the game was and I deprived myself for 3 years by not playing it. The Sims 2 came out September 14th that year, I still play it till this day.
October 2004, nothing really jumps out at me, Cast no shadow by Oasis only stands out. The Grudge, that movie sucked, I Remember seeing that with Kyle and Claire, man that movie sucked. A rare miss for Sam Raimi, but obviously it did well at the Box office.
November - Thanksgiving at the beach house, playing Poker with the Hills, listening to more HIM, I mean great times.
December - Star Wars Knights of the Old Republic 2, I played that game probably 40 hours straight, I was underwhelmed compared to the first game but I still enjoyed the game.
2005 would mark the best year of my life. It was as simple as that and I couldn't put it any better or any less. That year embodies every positive emotion I have ever felt, I can't look at any point of that year and feel negativity. The air was so positive, so exciting, I am about to cry thinking about how happy I was. I cannot begin to understand why this year means so much to me but looking back I can see where I might. I miss 2005 like I would miss a lost love, I would do anything to transfix my body into my former self back and relive that year. There was so many rights and about no wrongs. I do not think I realized when that year went how much it would mean to me and how much I would do just to see it again just to experience it again. Just to experience that again would probably cause a spontaneous combustion of positive emotion that I would just explode. 2005 brings the most sensual feelings, not just sensitive, sensual, there is a state of pleasure I feel each time I look back on that year. There is also a sense of reality that I will never ever feel that way again. . . Every day it grows further, I hate that feeling. Right now I am thinking about every positive feeling and I don't even know where to start.
I do not think I could do it justice right now, I am going to take some time to really ponder 2005 and also what I might need to revise 2004. I really wish I would of written a 2005 year in review like I did with 2004, unfortunately, the 2004 one got me in some trouble in 2005, lol go figure. I'll explain later!